By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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