I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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