Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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