just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
