Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
