i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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