her vagine was all disorganized.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
