if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
dude i'm inner monologue high
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
