I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
