I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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