yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
