Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
