life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
