I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
