so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
