i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
