Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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