Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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