yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
