is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
