You made me cry and you don't even care
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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