I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
