I will die if light touches me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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