i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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