I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
