Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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