Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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