I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
