I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My bed smells like the plague
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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