And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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