I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
