How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
