dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
