I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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