you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
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