The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
