I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the condom got lost in my hair
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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