You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
