Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
