I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
