Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
