Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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