I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
