question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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