Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
