life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
