"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
