Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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