If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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