Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
