Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
