so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
