She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
