as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
